145. FINDING COMMON GROUND. 1 Corinthians, 9:22.

To influence someone, you must first of all connect with them. And to do that, you must look for common ground. In the above scripture, Paul says to the Corinthians:- “I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some.” Another Bible version expounds on Paul’s words this way. “I am not anyone’s slave, But I have become a slave to everyone, so I can win as many people as possible. When I am with the Jews, I live like a Jew to win Jews. They are ruled by the law of Moses, and I am not. But I live by the law to win them. And when I am with people who are not ruled by the law, I forget about the law to win them. Of course I never really forget about the law of God. In fact, I am ruled by the law of Christ. When I am with people whose faith is weak, I live as they do to win them. I do everything I can to win everyone I possibly can to win them. I do all this for the Good News, because I want to share in its blessing.” When it came to preaching or teaching the truth however, Paul wouldn’t give an inch. But when it came to reaching and influencing people for Christ, he had to remove every roadblock between them and Jesus. And we must be willing to do the same. People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care. Before someone can receive the truth, you have to share “yourself” in such a way as to convince them that you truly love and care about them and this can only be done by finding ‘common ground.’ Whether you are applying for a job, or trying to win someone to Jesus, counselling, advising or correcting someone’s behaviour, to be effective, you must look for ‘common ground.’ Let’s look at some of the qualities that are required. Availability:- Paul writes in (1 Corinthians 9:19) “I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.” Establishing areas of common interest takes time. It also takes effort. It has been reported that to-day a typical business executive has an on-the-job attention span of six minutes. In six minutes a person can hardly get his or her feet on the ground, much less find common ground. Identifying areas you can agree on calls for empathy and a willingness to listen to what the other person has to say. In her book “How to Talk so People Will Listen” , Sonya Hamlyn conveys that most people find this challenging because of the ‘me first’ factor. She writes “Listening requires giving up our favourite human pastime” ie involvement in ourselves and our own self interests. It’s our primary and entirely human focus and it’s where our motivation to do anything comes from. With this as a base, can you see what a problem is created when we are asked to listen to someone else? So what’s the solution? First of all it’s essential to acknowledge and answer the listener’s two instinctive and unspoken questions, which are “Why should I listen to you?” and “What’s in it for me if I do?” Any time you are willing to listen to people, and they really understand how, what you are offering meets their requirements, you are halfway towards your goal of finding Common Ground. To establish “Common Ground” you must be adaptable, Thomas Aquinas said: “To convert somebody, go and take them by the hand and guide them.” You must be willing to move from where you are to where they are, to adapt and try to see things from their point of view. Anytime you are aware of distance between you and the person you are trying to reach, it’s good to search for something in your own background and experience that relates to theirs. Don’t start the process by telling them about yourself, begin by moving to where they are and trying to see things from their perspective adapt to them – don’t think that they should adapt to you. Instead of telling people how you feel, find out how they are feeling. Instead of telling them how you see things, discover how they see things, Instead of trying to tell them what you want, find out what their needs are. Abraham Lincoln said, “When I am getting ready to reason with a man, I spend one third of my time thinking about Moses, and I am not. But I live by the law to win them. And when I am with people who are not ruled by the law, I f what I will say to him and two thirds of my time thinking about what he will say to me. The truth is, you can’t take someone on a journey, unless you are willing to start where they are at. Only then can you truly connect and lead them to where you want to take them. You can know a lot about a person, but still not understand them. More information is not always the answer, in Psalm (42:7) The Bible tells us:”Deep calls to deep” that means, to really know people you must move beyond head knowledge and learn to speak the language of the heart. And that requires great and in most cases self sacrificial love. No, it’s not always easy or pretty, but when it works, I’m sure it will gain you a few more brownie points or should I say stars beside your name in the book of life. I don’t know, but I do know that God has a special place for those who bring one sinner to repentance. They have to see themselves as a sinner before they can repent; You telling them they are, wont help one bit. All you can do at this stage is have a box of tissues handy, Pray the Holy Spirit’s presence and be ready to embrace a new member into God’s Kingdom as they spill it all out. Thank you for reading these thoughts on “Finding Common Ground” I pray The Lord’s assistance and encouragement in all your endeavours in this direction. Remember Prayer and Holy Spirit in-put is of vital importance when taking on the spiritual guidance of another person. So I pray The Lord go with you. God Bless. Phaline. -----------------------------