104 RELATIONSHIPS FOR A CHRISTIAN. Amos 3:3

The above Scripture says “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” Obviously not, that’s why direction, speed, abilities and aspirations should take priority over emotions and self satisfaction. Before I go any further on this subject, You need to understand, although I have attended many counselling training sessions, both civil and Religious I am not a ‘bone fide’ Counsellor, all I can offer is:-The above and almost sixty years of marriage and mothering experience. Which wasn’t always “a bed of roses,” but with God’s gracious goodness and guidance, I believe we saw it through successfully. I have made this very definitive (For Christians),Yes, we are different, and much more is expected of us both by God and the people of this world. ie. as far as Integrity, Honesty and righteousness is concerned. A Christian represents God in every facet of his/her life. This word, however, “Relationships For Christians” will be on a much wider scale, You and I have been set apart, chosen, by Almighty God Himself before the creation of the world. For What? To tell the world who He is. What a responsibility,!!! , do you realise that is the same responsibility Jesus gave His Apostles when He chose them to go and preach the Good News to all the world. If you truly value your relationship with God, He must be your first priority in every aspect of your life. So Christian understand this, any “Relationship” you take on Whether Religious Business, Romantic sport or leisure, without prioritising God’s Principles, Values and ethics wont amount to anything like its full potential; regardless of how hard you work at it. “But,” you say “There are plenty of Non Christian achievers” Yes there are, but God expects His committed children (Christians) to put Him first. If you want God’s best for your marriage, Family, home, business, etc. Prioritise God and watch Him work for you. We must learn to value ourselves as God’s chosen children. And show people outside the Kingdom that what we have is far greater and much more valuable and rewarding than what they have, and consequently worth pursuing. Like the early church. People must be able to see by our love, our kindness, our willingness to share our time and blessings with them That we are prepared to leave the world and all its trappings behind for Our God, knowing that He will take care of us in every way and will see us through this life and into a heavenly eternity. Having the right relationships will help you to soar in life, they are like the wind beneath your wings. And the wrong relationships will drag you down, like a ball and chain around your feet. To know which relationships are good for you and which are not, here are three guidelines to think about:- (1) When a relationship is not working, Go to God in sincere, prayer, and if possible with a trusted friend, be gentle and sincere, acknowledging your own weaknesses and failures in the relationship breakdown. If you don’t feel or understand, acknowledge it. Sometimes we must cut our losses. The old saying still goes,”When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging”. Sometimes our efforts are not enough and we can’t help everyone. Releasing someone or something doesn’t mean they will never get better, it just means that God is more qualified to help them than you are. (2.) There is a difference between helping someone and carrying them. This is particularly so when you are dealing with a person who always turns to you for help and tries to make you feel guilty when you are not available for them. Don’t try to be someone’s god. Your constant help might actually be a hindrance – this can make you a crutch and an enabler. Step back and teach them to walk on their own. (3.) Don’t allow your fear of criticism to restrain your common sense. Here is a fact of life that you must learn to live with, not everyone will be pleased with you! Or like you. The truth can hurt and often alienate, but it’s still the truth. There are times when you must ‘tell it like it is’ and accept the consequences and disapprovals. The only way to avoid criticism, is to always say what everyone wants to hear, which, in a relationship is living a lie. There is always a nice way of dealing with difficult people and situations. Sitting with them, and a cup of coffee, explaining how you feel about continuing or ending the relationship, this will often bring about success more peacefully and with less overflow and hurt. In (Proverbs 13:20) we read “He who walks with wise men will himself be wise.” Not everyone who starts out with you is capable of going where God wants to take you. Sometimes they don’t have the emotional capacity required. Other times their vision differs from yours. So how do you know when it’s time to end a relationship? (I am not talking marriage here) Avoid relationships that leave you depleted. This calls for establishing clear boundaries for the relationship up front. You don’t have time to spend your life straightening out misunderstandings, hurt feelings and injured egos. How far are you willing to go? How much are you inclined to invest? When you overspend your budget, you go broke. Bankrupting yourself emotionally or physically to make someone else feel needed, might sound noble, but it’s not. People who get bankrupt in these areas usually end up with everything from nervous break downs, to extramarital affairs, and even if they don’t they tend to get overdone and find they are carrying too much weight, So, When you feel a relationship is not working, Pause and take a look. View the situation objectively, examining all the facets of it. Sometimes certain aspects of a relationship should be terminated. It’s possible to have relationships that work in one area and not in another, Compartmentalising will save many important relationships, because it enables you to see them in sections. It’s possible to remove one section and still have a lot left to enjoy. Yes, it takes work and communication, but it’s often worth it. Thank you for reading these few words on Christian Relationships. My moto is “proceed with care.” don’t hurry any kind of relationship. Remember who you are in Christ and always take The Holy Spirit with you. God Bless. Phaline. --------------------------------

103 Be Gentle And Gracious. Philippians:4:5.

The Greek word for gentleness translates as “Strength under control” It pictures a wild stallion that has been tamed. This word doesn’t mean to be weak and wimpy. And the only two people in the Bible who were described as being gentle were Moses and Jesus and they were both Strong under fire. Gentleness, is restraining your reactions. It’s choosing your responses to people rather than reacting to them. So, let’s look at what it means to be gentle:- When someone serves you, be thoughtful and not demanding. Paul writes, (Philippians:2-4 ) “Don’t just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others too, and in what they are saying and doing” Question:- How do we treat restaurant servers, clerks, administrative assistants, employees, bank tellers and police or traffic officers, and other people who serve us? Are we rude and difficult? Or stay aloof and impersonal, as if they were just part of the structure? Perhaps they too may have had a tough day, Could we make their day a little better by our attitude and a cheerful demeanour, or do we think only of ourselves? The first way to develop gentleness is to try and understand the people who serve us. And the first place we should be gentle is at home. In (1 Peter 3:4 ) The Bible tells wives to adorn themselves with “A Gentle Spirit” Peter is simply saying gentleness can be more attractive than the clothes or jewellery we choose to wear. Just a little further down (1 Peter 3:7) Addressing the husbands we read “You husbands should try to understand the wives you live with.” If we tend to be insensitive and overbearing, we will have to work extra hard on being gentle. The Scriptures say you must be understanding and not demanding towards the people who serve you and the people with whom you live. ..When someone upsets or disappoints us, God expects us to be gracious towards them instead of judgemental. In (Galatians 6:1) “If someone is caught in a sin, You who live by The Spirit should restore him gently. But watch yourselves, you also may be tempted. Now, you could say “tempted how?”Tempted to become judgemental or “holier than thou” That is the wrong response. The Word of God says (Romans14:1) Accept the one whose faith is weak without quarrelling” So instead of criticising their faults, we are to help strengthen their weak faith, otherwise the moment we pass judgement on someone else, we are setting ourselves up for Satan’s attack on our own areas of weakness, and yes, we all have them!, it’s the old adage again, “Judge not, or you WILL be judged. Here’s another thought, What is your reaction to people when they mess-up their lives? Do you say “I told you so” or “I could see it coming” or “It serves you right” or How could you be so stupid”? Jesus didn’t do that, His reaction to the woman caught in adultery was full of compassion and sensitivity. In fact, He defended her publicly, Then restored her privately. He was gracious not judgmental. There is no excuse for judging anyone, Firstly we don’t have that mantle, and secondly because of the way Christ has treated us. In (Romans 15:7) we read “Accept one another, Just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. God puts up with a lot from you and I right? And if He puts up with all our inconsistencies and weaknesses, surely we can learn to put up with the shortcomings of others. When next you are tempted to judge others, pause and remember just how much God has forgiven you. The more we see God’s grace to us, the more gracious we will be to others. When someone disagrees with you, be tender without surrender. You will never be able to please everyone. You will always meet people who like to argue and quarrel. Some people will even contradict everything you say. How should you respond to them? One of the tests of maturity is how you handle those who disagree with you. Some people have a need to demolish anyone who disagrees with them. Especially if you challenge, complain or criticise them. And they will often respond with a full-blown personal attack. What do you do, You have three alternatives. (1| Retreat in fear. Many people choose this route, because they haven’t developed the ability to respond with gentleness. So if your a ‘peace at any price’ person, you will find this kind of attitude will have hidden costs in your most important relationships. (2) React in Anger, anger is often a sign that you feel insecure and threatened by someone’s disapproval. It’s a warning-light that tells you that you are about to lose something, often that something is your self esteem. When we become angry we may become sarcastic and attack the other person’s self-worth (3) Respond in Gentleness (Proverbs 15:1) says “A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up” This is the kind of response that requires a right balance between maintaining your right to an opinion, while equally respecting the right of another to theirs. It requires being tender without surrendering your convictions. Sometimes we must stand by our convictions. But there are times when we must ask ourselves Is our relationship with this person more important than the point I am trying to prove? When someone corrects you, be interested and teachable, not proud and unreachable; (James 1:19 ) says “ Let every man be quick to listen but slow to speak and lose his temper” If you do the first two things the third one will naturally fall into place.. If you are quick to listen, and slow to answer back, you are going to be slow to get angry. In (Proverbs 13:19 we read) “Whoever heeds correction, is honoured. So make more use of your ears than your mouth and save the verbal mess which will, have to be cleaned up later: so be willing to accept correction. Wise people have a “teach me” attitude, and are willing to learn from others, You can learn from anyone, if you know the right questions to ask. It is important to never stop asking questions. The reason this is important is...The moment you stop asking questions you stop learning and you are through with life. Full Stop. So remain teachable and not unreachable. Husband, can you learn from your wife, wife can you learn from your husband, or does it threaten you when He/she makes a suggestion. Do you get defensive? Do you take every comment as a threat to your manhood/womanhood. Parents can you learn from your children? If you want to end-up lonely old people, then never admit your mistakes, never learn from anyone, and never let anyone teach you anything. How long has it been since you admitted to your spouse that you were wrong. Or said “I’m sorry Dear, It was my fault.” Some people haven’t said that in years. The Bible says (James 1:21) Humbly accept the word planted in you” The word used here means gentle’ When you approach God’s Word, you ought to approach it with a humble and gentle attitude that says Lord I’m willing to be taught. Thank you for reading this word on Humility and gentleness, The Holy Spirit will be your greatest ally when encountering difficulties in these areas and situations. He’s just a prayer away, call on Him. The Lord be with us all. Phaline..