69. Loving Difficult people. 1. Thessalonians 5:15.

Jesus referred to The Holy Spirit as ‘The Helper’ And as you and I submit to Him, He will help us to handle the difficult people in our lives the right way. Paul writes, in Ephesians 4:30.’Do not grieve The Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption’ Don’t offend, inhibit or block The Holy Spirit from working in your life. You might say, ‘How would I do that?’ Paul answers, in the very next verse ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.’ That’s a list of some pretty nasty stuff, and Paul’s point is this: either you allow your responses to be ruled by that nasty list, or to be ruled by the indwelling Holy Spirit. The choice is yours. In Ephesians 4:26-27 The scripture says “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold’. When we retaliate in anger, we give the devil a foothold in our lives- a beach-head from which he can attack us in other areas. When that happens, we are not only dealing with the hurt caused by the difficult person in our life, we are also dealing with the added hurt that comes from giving the devil a foothold. So what should we do? Going on in Ephesians 4:32 we read ‘Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you’. God is saying here, remember the love, patience and grace God has shown to you and extend it to others. That’s a strategy that sometimes is a bit difficult, but one that can never fail.! God has designed us in such a way that in times of intense difficulty, we have a built-in moment in which we can turn to Him for help. The primary place in your brain that processes strong negative emotions, such as rage and fear, is called the “amygdala” and when it’s removed from certain animals, they become incapable of expressing rage and fear. Normally when in-put enters your brain, it goes to the “cortex” for processing, however, in about five per cent of cases,when something extremely emotional happens, it goes to your amygdala and the thinking part of your brain gets short circuited. But in between your brain’s intake and your body’s response time, there is what researchers call the life-giving quarter second. And in that quarter second although it doesn’t sound very long - is hope, in Ephesians (4:26-27) Paul writes “In your anger do not sin.. and do not give the Devil a foothold’ That quarter second is the time The Holy Spirit can take control, that’s when you can give control to the Holy Spirit, or you can give in to sin. That one quarter second in your mind can be an opportunity to say ‘Holy Spirit I’ve 1 got this impulse right now, should I act on it? It’s amazing how the desire to hurt someone you love can be so strong and then, lead to such pain when you indulge in it.! But here’s a bit of good news, when you muck-up and blow-it, and you will!!, God will give you another quarter second, watch out for it, it comes right behind the first one. When you realise what you have said or done apologise immediately to God and to the person you’ve hurt, (the longer you leave it, the harder it is to do). A point to Remember is... God is committed to you and will keep working with you until you get it right. No one mastered the art of dealing with difficult people better than Jesus did. The Romans wanted to silence Him, Herod wanted to kill Him, Pilate washed his hands of Him, religious leaders envied Him, His family thought He had lost His mind, the people in His home-town wanted to stone Him, Thomas doubted Him, Peter denied Him, Judas betrayed Him, soldiers beat Him the crowds shouted for His crucifixion and His followers and best friends ran out on Him. Yet, Jesus never prayed for God to remove the difficult people from His life. If He had, there would have been nobody left . Sometimes, even prayer can be misused as a way of avoidance. Sometimes we can even ask God to remove a difficult person from our lives because we are not willing to confront that person honestly. And if God answered that prayer the way we wanted, we’d lose the opportunity for growth which is one of His great desire for us. Jesus’ teachings about dealing with difficult people flowed out of wisdom and deep, intimate, painful experiences with people. And they have influenced world leaders and movements like no other words that have ever been spoken – from Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa, to Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and several others. In (1 Peter2:20-23) We read “ If you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you. For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering just as Christ suffered for you. He is our example, and we are called to follow in His footsteps. He did not retaliate when He was insulted, nor threaten revenge when He suffered. He left His case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.’ and He is our example. Jesus Himself said in (Matthew 5:38-39) ‘You have heard that it was said ‘eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth’ But I tell you...if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn them the other also’. Though the ‘eye for an eye’ statement sounds harsh to us, it was actually an enormous step forward in the ancient legal world, where powerful people could kill you for just a slight injury. This law prevented rebellion by teaching proportional justice. But it still leaves us with a problem. Instinct says ‘If someone hurts you, you hurt them back’ - and the pain you experience always seems worse than the pain you cause the other person. But, you say, ‘this person hurt me and they should pay for it’. How much should they pay? God alone is capable of answering that question fairly and His Word says in (Romans 12:19-21)’Dear Friends Never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for He has said He will repay those who deserve it. Don’t take the law into your own hands. Instead, feed your enemy if he is hungry. If he is thirsty give him something to drink, and you will be heaping coals of fire on his head.’ In other words, he will feel ashamed of himself for what he has done to you. Don’t let evil get the upper hand, but conquer evil by doing good.’ An interesting point here is-: In Jesus’ day, society was built around shame and honour. The left hand was considered unclean, it was not to be used for eating, - or for hitting so a blow to the right cheek would be done with the backhand. It was a way of publicly insulting someone or to remind someone that they were socially inferior to you. So when someone insults you, what should you do? Everyone expects one of two responses; retaliation or cowering Jesus is saying, ‘Your safety and your honour are in the hands of your Heavenly Father.’Now we get creative. One possibility is that we could turn the other cheek, our enemy. can’t left hand our left cheek. Either he has to fight you as an equal, which he doesn’t want to do, or he has to find a non-violent way to resolve the conflict. So now, who do you get insulted by? A “Slap” often take the form of barbs, digs, and backhanded comments. Someone demeans your ideas at work, someone accuses you falsely at home. A relative says something judgmental about you What is your first instinct? - retaliation, fear or both? With The Holy Spirit helping you, There is a new possibility. Don’t run and hide, don’t strike back. Confront the other person with honesty and strength. Be creative, and active. Lovingly work towards reconciliation. This is the reason the Bible in (Philippians 3:14) calls the Christian life the “ The Upward Call” So the next time someone insults or upsets you, “Take the High road.” Thank you for reading my take on “Dealing with Difficult People.” I’m sure there are many other ways, to do this,- but this seems to be the way Jesus did it, not always the easiest, but it does work while still keeping our relationship with God intact and that should always take priority. God Bless Phaline.