71. Overcoming Rejection. Isaiah 43:4

Jesus experienced rejection. (John 1:11) ‘He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.’ But He didn’t sit around licking His wounds, No! He moved on to where people gladly did receive Him. And He told His Disciples, (Matthew 10:14) ‘Whoever will not receive you, nor hear your words, When you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet.” Repeated rejection, tends to validate the fear of our inadequacy. This is particularly so when it comes to those people whose opinions we have learned to value. But the irony of operating out of the fear of rejection is that it ultimately results in the very rejection you were trying to avoid. When people realise you hold yourself in low regard, they deal with you accordingly. You see! You teach people to value you by the way you value yourself. If you never express a preference, a boundary, or any other limitation on how others interact with you, they will assume you have no preferences, boundaries limitations etc and they will behave towards you in that manner. Notice that even though Jesus was rejected, He never responded in a way that encouraged continued rejection. He didn’t stay where He wasn’t tolerated, He went to where He was celebrated. In other words, He went to where people recognised Him and where He was received along with His person, His purpose and His Power. Jesus had God’s full acceptance, therefore, He didn’t fear man’s rejection. And you too have God’s acceptance He says in (Isaiah 43;4) “You are precious and honoured in MY sight… and I love YOU.” The first step to overcoming rejection is to keep God’s opinion of you firmly in your mind at all time In order to overcome fear of rejection you must also firmly believe that God designed you wonderfully. Physically, intellectually and temperamentally – and gave you an assignment which no one else can fulfil. Putting yourself down may seem humble, but it’s actually a form of pride because it’s causing you to reject god’s plan and design for your life. So begin to emphatically declare with the Psalmist; “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous – How well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was being woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, Oh God (Psalm 139:14-17) Wherever did you get the idea that you were “less than”? Whether it started with critical parents, condemning clergy, unwise teachers, cruel classmates or a verbally abusive spouse, remember the Bible says in (John 8:44) that Satan is the father of lies He used someone to lie to you about your worth and potential. Repeat this three times it was a lie, it was a lie, it was a lie. Decide to reject that lie right now and also reject rejection. Now make a list of every God-given gift, asset, advantages or other benefits you possess which is or could be a blessing to others. Don’t use worldly systems when compiling your list. Focus on character issues such as integrity, loyalty, generosity, wisdom patience and discernment, Think of ways you can use each one of these features to Glorify God and be a blessing to others. The mistakes you have made in the past, may have been big ones, bad ones and often repeated ones, but they haven’t changed God’s mind about you. (Jeremiah 31:3-4) puts it this way ‘I have drawn you and you… will be rebuilt.’ Yes God will correct you when you need it, but His correction is not rejection, - it’s proof of His love for you. The book of Hebrews tells us “The Lord disciplines the one He loves” God’s purpose in discipline is to develop us to our highest potential. So don’t let anyone put you down. Be your authentic self when you’re with others. Focus on what you have to give, rather that how others perceive you. Don’t put on airs, brag or name-drop in an effort to level the playing field. You are already equal – even if you don’t have a similar education, experience, financial status, social standing or background. Since when did such things make anybody inherently superior to another – especially in the eyes of our Heavenly Father? If your goal in life is to please everyone and have them speak well of you, your self-worth will always be at their mercy. In (Proverbs 31:18) Solomon describes the qualities of a virtuous woman, here is one of them; ‘She perceives that her merchandise is good’ This woman wasn’t prideful, she was just confident in who God had made her to be and the assignment He had given her to fulfil, her confidence came from within. Solomon ends the chapter with these words ‘Honour her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise. Sometimes you may have to confront behaviour that is affecting you negatively. Jesus said in (Luke 17;3) ‘If your brother sins against you rebuke him,’ Now, that doesn’t give you the right to vent your anger or behave like the proverbial “Bull in a china shop. ” Because Jesus also said in the very next verse ‘And if he sins against you seven times in a day and returns seven times asking your forgiveness you shall forgive him’ And here’s another thought; respect the other persons decision not to pursue a relationship with you. They may not belong in your life, and you may not belong in theirs. Think about the last time you went shopping. Did you purchase every single item you examined? Of course not. Did you reject them because they were inferior. Surely not. You simply decided they were not for you. Of course, if you experience a pattern of rejection and you are baffled about the reason, you may want to consider finding out why. In Proverbs (27:6) we read ‘Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful’ Some times it’s wise to ask -- ‘I’d like to get some feedback from you for my personal development. My objective here is not to resume our relationship. I would just like to ask what it was that made you decide to terminate it. I’d really appreciate an honest feedback.’ Be sure to project an upbeat attitude, not a negative one. Listen objectively, don’t be defensive. Gather the information. And be willing to change if there is merit in what they say.. thank you for reading “Overcoming Rejection” Often people don’t understand why, or even admit they feel rejected. But understanding the status we have with our Creator is often the first step in our own revaluation of ourselves. Remember, God has made us first of all for Himself. And we are held in the palm of His hand. So any problems, talk to Him about it first God Bless us all Phaline.

70 FORGIVE AND MOVE ON. Philippians 5:15.

The greater the offence, the harder it is to forgive - But you must. Because whatever you refuse to forgive and let go of, you carry with you. And it will be like an albatross around your neck. Has someone abused you, cheated on you, lied about you, dismissed you, or mistreated you in some other way? Have you failed yourself? Have you asked yourself ‘How can I get past my past mistakes? And become successful again’ Whatever your particular hurt, the solution isn’t either feeding it or denying it. You have to forgive and let it go, or you will continue to hurt yourself with it. Someone once said ‘Choosing not to forgive somebody is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die’ !! In order to move forward, you have to ‘let go’ and be at peace with the past. Paul could have easily allowed the memory of the Christians he put to death (before meeting Christ) to destroy him and rob him of his destiny. But he refused to do that. Instead he wrote: in (Philippians 3;13-14) ‘Dear brothers (and sisters) I am still not all that I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing; forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to Heaven; because of what Christ Jesus did for us.’ And in another Scripture: (Mark 11:25) Jesus Himself speaking ‘If you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your Father in Heaven will forgive you your sins.’ This is not optional, in fact it is conditional. If we want to have our sins forgiven that is the condition. If we wont forgive, God wont forgive us, and if we do God will forgive us. This is a God-made Spiritual law and it’s not negotiable so think seriously about it. Your soul could be at stake. In (Luke 9:62) We read, ‘No one who looks back is fit for service’ In the light of this Scripture we need to be wise. Here are four thoughts we need to take on board. :-- 1. Focus on the road ahead.:- By looking in the rear-view mirror instead of the road ahead of you, you could miss the next turn and end up in a ditch, or worse, in an accident. Focus on the fact that you survived, and hopefully you have learned from your experience; God kept you around for a reason; find it and pour yourself into it. 2. Stop looking for easy answers :-- Visit any Bookshop and you will find shelves lined with books with titles promising ‘Ten easy steps to financial achievement, Five trouble-free keys to success, or twelve simple strategies for health, wealth and fulfilment in life. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. Life is hard, and deep inside we all know those simplistic approaches don’t work. But, note this, the fact that your life is difficult doesn’t mean you are on the wrong path. As the old country preacher said “If you don’t come face to face with the devil sometimes, you must be going in the same direction as he is.” Think about it!! 3. Stay on your path:-- Not everybody will go with you, some of your closest friends are people who will never change, and they don’t like those who do. Your decision to change doesn’t mean they will change too. Nevertheless, you must be committed to growing, expanding your knowledge and experience and moving on to the next level in life. 4. Believe in yourself:-- God believes in you. So when someone tells you that you will never amount to anything, Just smile and say this short prayer, “Lord you know my potential and with your help I will make it” God alone knows your potential and if your willing to trust Him and work hard, He will help you to fulfil it. In the final analysis, success is an argument your enemies and critics can’t refute. Thank you for reading my thoughts on this difficult subject. It will not always be easy to do, BUT, when and if you achieve the art of forgiveness, it will be one of your greatest assets in this life, and a tremendous assurance of your eternal happiness, because Jesus said “If we forgive others God will forgive us” We cannot enter Heaven with a backpack full of unforgiven sins . So forgive!!!. God bless us all. Phaline.

69. Loving Difficult people. 1. Thessalonians 5:15.

Jesus referred to The Holy Spirit as ‘The Helper’ And as you and I submit to Him, He will help us to handle the difficult people in our lives the right way. Paul writes, in Ephesians 4:30.’Do not grieve The Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption’ Don’t offend, inhibit or block The Holy Spirit from working in your life. You might say, ‘How would I do that?’ Paul answers, in the very next verse ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.’ That’s a list of some pretty nasty stuff, and Paul’s point is this: either you allow your responses to be ruled by that nasty list, or to be ruled by the indwelling Holy Spirit. The choice is yours. In Ephesians 4:26-27 The scripture says “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold’. When we retaliate in anger, we give the devil a foothold in our lives- a beach-head from which he can attack us in other areas. When that happens, we are not only dealing with the hurt caused by the difficult person in our life, we are also dealing with the added hurt that comes from giving the devil a foothold. So what should we do? Going on in Ephesians 4:32 we read ‘Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you’. God is saying here, remember the love, patience and grace God has shown to you and extend it to others. That’s a strategy that sometimes is a bit difficult, but one that can never fail.! God has designed us in such a way that in times of intense difficulty, we have a built-in moment in which we can turn to Him for help. The primary place in your brain that processes strong negative emotions, such as rage and fear, is called the “amygdala” and when it’s removed from certain animals, they become incapable of expressing rage and fear. Normally when in-put enters your brain, it goes to the “cortex” for processing, however, in about five per cent of cases,when something extremely emotional happens, it goes to your amygdala and the thinking part of your brain gets short circuited. But in between your brain’s intake and your body’s response time, there is what researchers call the life-giving quarter second. And in that quarter second although it doesn’t sound very long - is hope, in Ephesians (4:26-27) Paul writes “In your anger do not sin.. and do not give the Devil a foothold’ That quarter second is the time The Holy Spirit can take control, that’s when you can give control to the Holy Spirit, or you can give in to sin. That one quarter second in your mind can be an opportunity to say ‘Holy Spirit I’ve 1 got this impulse right now, should I act on it? It’s amazing how the desire to hurt someone you love can be so strong and then, lead to such pain when you indulge in it.! But here’s a bit of good news, when you muck-up and blow-it, and you will!!, God will give you another quarter second, watch out for it, it comes right behind the first one. When you realise what you have said or done apologise immediately to God and to the person you’ve hurt, (the longer you leave it, the harder it is to do). A point to Remember is... God is committed to you and will keep working with you until you get it right. No one mastered the art of dealing with difficult people better than Jesus did. The Romans wanted to silence Him, Herod wanted to kill Him, Pilate washed his hands of Him, religious leaders envied Him, His family thought He had lost His mind, the people in His home-town wanted to stone Him, Thomas doubted Him, Peter denied Him, Judas betrayed Him, soldiers beat Him the crowds shouted for His crucifixion and His followers and best friends ran out on Him. Yet, Jesus never prayed for God to remove the difficult people from His life. If He had, there would have been nobody left . Sometimes, even prayer can be misused as a way of avoidance. Sometimes we can even ask God to remove a difficult person from our lives because we are not willing to confront that person honestly. And if God answered that prayer the way we wanted, we’d lose the opportunity for growth which is one of His great desire for us. Jesus’ teachings about dealing with difficult people flowed out of wisdom and deep, intimate, painful experiences with people. And they have influenced world leaders and movements like no other words that have ever been spoken – from Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa, to Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and several others. In (1 Peter2:20-23) We read “ If you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you. For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering just as Christ suffered for you. He is our example, and we are called to follow in His footsteps. He did not retaliate when He was insulted, nor threaten revenge when He suffered. He left His case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.’ and He is our example. Jesus Himself said in (Matthew 5:38-39) ‘You have heard that it was said ‘eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth’ But I tell you...if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn them the other also’. Though the ‘eye for an eye’ statement sounds harsh to us, it was actually an enormous step forward in the ancient legal world, where powerful people could kill you for just a slight injury. This law prevented rebellion by teaching proportional justice. But it still leaves us with a problem. Instinct says ‘If someone hurts you, you hurt them back’ - and the pain you experience always seems worse than the pain you cause the other person. But, you say, ‘this person hurt me and they should pay for it’. How much should they pay? God alone is capable of answering that question fairly and His Word says in (Romans 12:19-21)’Dear Friends Never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for He has said He will repay those who deserve it. Don’t take the law into your own hands. Instead, feed your enemy if he is hungry. If he is thirsty give him something to drink, and you will be heaping coals of fire on his head.’ In other words, he will feel ashamed of himself for what he has done to you. Don’t let evil get the upper hand, but conquer evil by doing good.’ An interesting point here is-: In Jesus’ day, society was built around shame and honour. The left hand was considered unclean, it was not to be used for eating, - or for hitting so a blow to the right cheek would be done with the backhand. It was a way of publicly insulting someone or to remind someone that they were socially inferior to you. So when someone insults you, what should you do? Everyone expects one of two responses; retaliation or cowering Jesus is saying, ‘Your safety and your honour are in the hands of your Heavenly Father.’Now we get creative. One possibility is that we could turn the other cheek, our enemy. can’t left hand our left cheek. Either he has to fight you as an equal, which he doesn’t want to do, or he has to find a non-violent way to resolve the conflict. So now, who do you get insulted by? A “Slap” often take the form of barbs, digs, and backhanded comments. Someone demeans your ideas at work, someone accuses you falsely at home. A relative says something judgmental about you What is your first instinct? - retaliation, fear or both? With The Holy Spirit helping you, There is a new possibility. Don’t run and hide, don’t strike back. Confront the other person with honesty and strength. Be creative, and active. Lovingly work towards reconciliation. This is the reason the Bible in (Philippians 3:14) calls the Christian life the “ The Upward Call” So the next time someone insults or upsets you, “Take the High road.” Thank you for reading my take on “Dealing with Difficult People.” I’m sure there are many other ways, to do this,- but this seems to be the way Jesus did it, not always the easiest, but it does work while still keeping our relationship with God intact and that should always take priority. God Bless Phaline.